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My Man Has a Mistress Crook’d Hook’r

[Intro] I heard somebody ask Matt if there was another woman. Oh, honey... There absolutely is. [Verse 1] He spends his weekends with me, Takes me everywhere. Stares at pictures on his phone Like I don't know they're there. Buys me something shiny Every other week. And when I'm acting funny, He's underneath me trying to see. He keeps me full of gasoline, Washes me when I'm dirty. Gets up at three-thirty Just to spend the whole day with me. So if you're wondering Where all his time and money went— Hi. I'm Crooked Hooker. Nice to meet you. [Chorus] My man has a mistress, White and orange in the drive. Twenty feet of bad decisions Keeping fishing dreams alive. No lipstick on his collar, No perfume giving him away. Just another charge for fishing gear And me getting my way. Some men hide their other woman. Matt parks his outside. [Verse 2] He buys me electronics, Calls 'em "things we really need." New jewelry says Humminbird— Looks pretty good on me. He takes me down to Guntersville, Chickamauga when we roam. Old Hickory when he needs me And doesn't wanna travel far from home. Talks about me constantly, Shows my pictures to his friends. Starts another sentence with, "Wait till you see what I did..." Yeah. He's got it bad. [Chorus] My man has a mistress, And he ain't hiding me. I'm sitting right there in the driveway For the whole damn world to see. He buys the gas, He buys the toys, He takes me out to play. No flowers needed, sweetheart— Just keep the upgrades Coming my way. [Verse 3] Now here's the funny part: Matt's single. So technically... I'm not even the other woman. I won by default. No sneaking out, No alibis, Nobody checking where he's been. Just Matt saying, "I'm going fishing," And disappearing again. Honestly, It's a beautiful arrangement. He gets the lake. I get attention. And his credit card Gets emotional damage. [Bridge] Flowers? No thanks. Diamonds? Can't mount a graph to 'em. Fancy dinner? Fill my tank. Romantic weekend? Guntersville. Now you're learning. [Verse 4] But underneath all my talking, I'll admit one thing is true: There's nowhere I'd rather be Than running that lake with you. Spend your weekends, Spend your money, Chase whatever dream you choose. I'll carry every crazy story And every friend you bring along too. So if someday another woman Actually enters this man's life... She needs to understand There's already somebody Taking Saturdays. [Final Chorus] My man has a mistress, And everybody knows her name. Crooked Hooker on the water, And I'm not ashamed. He buys the toys, I'll wear 'em. He finds the lake, I'll ride. Some men hide their other woman— Matt puts decals On the side. [Outro] Don't worry, sweetheart. I'm willing to share. Sundays. Maybe.